Way up there

When you live in Illinois, hills are relative. It's flat around here, until you ride your bicycle, when you discover maybe not quite flat flat. But tomorrow I'm headed up into actual mountains, the Blue Ridge Mountains, to be exact. I'm teaching at the Baskets of Yarn Winter Retreat in Boone, NC. I'm told it's cold up there. But then, given Chicago's endless winter this year, cold, too, is relative.

Before I go, I wanted to post something I've been meaning to put up since coming back from NC last time. See all those lovely teenagers learning to knit about two posts ago? Well, as I was darting around the class from knitting crisis to knitting success, I overheard MB telling the following story to this or that beginning knitter:

"If you've been hired as an assassin, it is critical that you be COMPLETELY successful. Thus, if you are 'shanking' your victim, it is best if you make the thrust underhanded. For if you strike from top to bottom, you run the risk of the knife being deflected by bones like the skull or sternum. Yes, you'll hurt the victim; however, without that you can't say you've completed the job.

"How does this relate to knitting? STEP ONE in knitting is to thrust the needle into your stitch as if it were your victim. Additionally, assassins, usually, have a signature 'thing.' As a knitting assassin, your signature is to split your victim's head in half. Nothing fancy, just chop it in half. That's STEP TWO in making the knit stitch.

"Now, STEP THREE, slide your needle through the stitch. What to do now? Proof of the assassination is to send the victim's head to your client. To end the stitch, STEP FOUR, pop the stitch off the end of the left needle.

"You get a rhythm that goes like this:
Stab it (or shank it)
Slice it (their heads in half)
Scoop it
Pop the little head off (the needle)"

I was so entertained that I insisted she write this down for me. She did, signing it, "Enjoy. The Knitting Assassin." Ever the artist, she also drew pictures, which I'm afraid you'll just have to imagine until I figure out how to copy them into the blog.

In the meantime, have a nice weekend, whether you're way up there or out in the flat. I'll post mountain photos next week, along with a photo of Rachel in her new Sahara/Bonsai sweater (it's finished, ta da!). Weather and U.S. Airways permitting, as always. Can you tell I'm not a big believer in heavier-than-air flight?